“redirected productivity”

Welcome to Wednesday. What follows is of zero importance. I need you to understand something. I am addicted to efficiency. I like to see how quickly I can finish a workout at the gym and how fast I can get in and out of the grocery store. I like to plan my errands so that I drive a whole circle around town and don’t have to retrace my steps. I like lists and crossing things off of them. In order.

This morning I woke up with a kind of vague idea of what I needed to get done today. I have two weeks to finish grad school, which means I need to write about 3000 words and read about 30000. It also means I have found approximately one million other activities that must be done.

Some people call it procrastination. I have decided to call it redirected productivity.

Anyway. After I finished everything I needed to do this morning on the computer (everything, except schoolwork–we’re getting that right? This post has nothing to do with me actually completing school), I decided I would go run some errands. And I decided, since they were all quick, that I would take the dog.

As I pulled out of the driveway, a woman was walking her bulldog in the road. Clancy did not approve. [Insert a lot of barking, leaping over seats, and finally landing (with a crash) in the very back of the car.] OHHHH. I forgot about the framed picture that was in the back. 

Times when I wish I had a trunk.

First stop: alterations (Hi, I have short legs. Hemming is a standard part of any purchase.). I stopped to brace the picture back up and was relieved that her crash was not as destructive as it sounded.

I got back in the car. I had balanced a vase of flowers on the floor of the passenger seat, which promptly tipped over as I pulled out of the parking lot. Water was everywhere. But you can’t just stop driving on a busy road, so I kept going. A miniature disco ball (I do not know how it got in my car) was rolling around on the drenched floor. And I managed to knock my sunglasses off the dashboard and clear across the car. Meanwhile, the dog continued to bark at all things living.

Second stop: dry cleaners. I told her I would like to pick the clothes up on Wednesday. Oh, it is Wednesday. Lovely. Yes, Friday would be fine. I was tempted to explain all of the chaos in the car that might cause one to forget the day of the week. I refrained.

Third stop: CVS. Name? Date of birth? “I’m sorry, I don’t have a prescription for him.” Well, first off, it’s not a him. I’m Cody. And I’m a her. Thanks for playing. I pull up the confirmation text I’d received. Oh, well, you don’t have a prescription for himbecause I somehow filled it at the CVS in Brenham. Convenient.

At this point, I had lost all hope of efficiency and was finding the whole situation pretty comical. The pharmacist, though he was patient, did not find it nearly as hilarious as I did. But his feet were not wet with flower-water, nor had he been trapped in an automobile with an attack-dog. So, we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he was just missing some key information that would have helped him to appreciate the hilarity.

Fourth stop: Bank. I went to the ATM. It seems I can relate better to machines today. All went well.

Fifth stop: Gas station. I was a little nervous. Heavy machinery and all. But again, my success rate with machines was pretty good.

Sixth stop: Home. Because I couldn’t handle any more moments of closeness with the rabid dog. I had intended to drop off the flowers. I did not.

Seventh stop: Hair salon. Where all went according to plan until I left my credit card.

Eighth stop: Hair salon. Again. After the U-Turn. To retrieve my credit card.

Ninth stop: Flower drop.

Tenth stop: Home.

At which point, I decided the whole world needed to know of my adventure. If you made it to the end, you should win something. But I’ve got nothing. I hope it added a little levity to your Wednesday. I just needed some company for a moment.

And also. Procrastination. Redirected productivity.