Seeking His Presence Now: Darcee

I know Darcee because she is my brother’s girlfriend. I count her my friend for many more reasons than that (although I do love her for loving him the way that she does!). Darcee has a quiet, unrushed way about her that reminds you to live in the moment you’re in. She is thoughtful in a way that is completely personal–treating everyone as an individual, getting to know you for who you are, loving you with all of your quirks. And she is strong. So, so strong. I didn’t get to know her mom, but if Darcee’s heart is any indication (and I know that it is), her mom was a beautiful, compassionate woman who loved her family with all she had. Darcee, you are every bit of that.

Thank you for sharing such an honest and tender piece of your heart with us here. Love you!

Darcee’s words are below.

My Mom: truly the most incredible person that I have ever met.

On January 16th, 2014, I sat in a doctor’s office with her as she was anxiously ready to dart out the door and get back to work, when a man that we had just met 5 minutes prior told us that my Mom’s cancer had spread and gave her 3-5 years to live. (Ouch.) You know in the movies when someone falls to their knees in despair and anguish? Yeah, that stuff is real life too. A feeling and an action that I had never known was real until I found myself on my own knees that day. I would love to tell you that God met me there, on my knees, and overwhelmed me with peace and comfort- but I was too busy being mad, wondering if the doctor had grabbed someone else’s file, someone else’s prognosis. Did this doctor not know that my Mom was young, alive and kickin’ and that she had four kids that (desperately) needed her?!

Fast forward a short 3 weeks later, I would find myself following an ambulance that was taking my Mom to the emergency room, and a few hours after I would look around a hospital bed at my heartbroken family as we all would watch our sweet, incredible Mom take her last breath.

It was all a blur. Complete shock, indescribable sadness, total disbelief. All of these feelings would eventually remind me how much I (desperately) need Jesus.

Now, wouldn’t this have been a real stellar story if I could have told you that God completely, without a shadow of a doubt, made His presence known to us by answering so many prayers and blessing us with the miracle of healing my Mom right before our eyes?

I wish so badly that this story would have taken that turn, but I still think this story has some pretty stellar moments. The truth is that the way I have felt His presence, while not “earth shattering” is nonetheless still pretty remarkable, and that has been through His word and through His people.

In times of trouble and confusion, we all desperately look for the “right” things to say, anything to bring healing or comfort, and we usually fall short. Yet, I’ve never read a passage in the bible that has failed to bring me comfort or left me feeling confused. I have read scriptures that literally make my mouth drop by how personal they are, scriptures that fill my eyes with tears and my heart with hope, scriptures that have made me drop to my knees in a new found hope, those same knees that a few months ago I was on in complete disarray.

I haven’t been walking this bumpy journey alone, five months after I lost my Mom, a sweet friend suddenly and tragically lost her father. I cannot think about that special man without thinking about how much he loved Jesus. Their family has given me a deep desire to know The Lord more intimately, and in doing bible studies, sharing scripture, sermons and hugs, these words of hers have been engraved in my heart for forever:

“God wrote this scripture forever ago knowing the season and trials you and I are facing right now. His ways are perfect, even when it’s hard to see. We will continue to be thankful IN our trials even if we don’t feel thankful FOR them.”

That reminder has been life changing for me. His words were written for us. Not by accident, not by luck, not in hopes that it may someday help someone. Instead, He wrote them knowing who exactly He was writing them for, when we would need it, and why we would so desperately need to hear it. Now that IS completely earth-shattering. It’s been written, all we have to do is pick it up, read it, and TRUST it.

When I get heartfelt hugs that rock me to my core, I know that they were God-sent. When I have conversations with my brothers about how good our Mom was at being Mom to us, I’m reminded of how sweetly God made her, just for us. When my brother Darrell reminds me that even through all of this hurt and grieving, Jesus is saying, “I am better than all of the agony.” It’s in these moments that you have to push through the hurt to feel His hope.

My saving grace has been the Lord intertwining my paths with people who are consistently reminding me of His truths when some days I’ve truly been ready to give up. It’s easy to feel His presence when things are going “your” way, when life is good, times are happy and the blessings are many. It’s when God takes you out of your comfort zone, when He has stretched you, your faith and made you severely uncomfortable that you are tested. I pray that if anyone finds themselves in a season of wondering “where are you God?” that you will open your hearts, your bibles and surround yourself with people that will consistently and whole heartedly remind you of His truths. It’s there that I promise you He can make His presence known.

I didn’t get my miracle in the way that I had prayed for one. Dear friends that I love didn’t get the miracles that we had all been praying for either, and I’m sure that someone reading this can also relate. But if we open our eyes, and our hearts, the miracle is there, waiting to be seen, waiting to be known by you. Not even a month after tragically losing her husband of 33 years, these words were spoken to me by a woman, who makes me literally crave Jesus:

“His presence is truly the miracle.”

Embrace that miracle every day.